Elvira Flew!

TSA security photo taken Friday at the O”Hare Screening Checkpoint

We have exclusive information that Elvira Arellano flew to LA aboard OnTime Airlines Flight 1234. She was able to escape detection by flying under the alias of Harry P. Marx. Her son flew in the seat next to her using his real name and a newspaper photo of himself as ID.

When asked to comment, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said, “Verdad? No me diga.” Michael Chertoff, Secretary of Homeland Security, remarked, “It’s hard to find good help these days. We will put Mr. Marx on the no fly list on Monday afternoon.”

President Bush commented to reporters, “I hope she flew First Class. That’s a long flight.”

Arellano arrived at John Wayne Airport in Santa Ana late Friday afternoon. (That sound you hear is The Duke spinning in his grave.)

She was met at the airport by the Mexican Consulate and Nancy Pelosi and was quickly whisked away before reporters could find a translator.

(NOTE: This was my nightmare last night. I certainly hope none of it is real. ;)